Howdy humans and really intelligence species of apes. I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I actually have a good reason for that being so. The reason for my lack of writing is (this sentence has been removed by the censors). See? I told you I had a perfectly good reason for not writing. I’m just kidding. There are no censors on this blog. The reason I haven’t written is very simple. Between school, my internship and the fact that I didn’t want to leave anything out (and it’s been busy event-wise too).
First off, my Aunt Karen passed away at the beginning of April. This is full of irony, because she was always calling us, worried about how I was doing. It all started when she tried to get out of bed one morning. She fell and broke her ankle. At the hospital, they discovered her kidneys were failing and that she was gaining weight because of her inability to filter out enough fluids from her body. Unfortunately, by the time this was discovered, it was too late. They could have put a dialysis shunt into her if they had caught it in time, but it takes a certain amount of days before they could use the shunt, but she didn’t have that much time. She died quickly, which was a blessing in a way because she didn’t suffer for very long, but I would have preferred that she didn’t die at all. It was a nice ceremony and there was a lot of love for her, so I’m glad others got to see what a wonderful person she was.
I’m gonna go into my health real quick, because there’s been some new things to tell you all about. First off, my doctors have switched my chemotherapy treatments because there’s a possibility, repeat a POSSIBILITY, that the old chemo had become ineffective because one of my CT scans showed two new tumors around my abdominal aorta. Because of that possibility, they thought it best I move to the new treatment, which necessitated my removal from the clinical trial I was on, but I think we had gotten to the point where the clinical trial drug was getting ineffective too. The good news is that it seems that whoever goes on that particular drug receives the first round of chemo longer than without it. That means that cancer patients can get the initial treatment for longer. YAAAAAAAAY for me! This new treatment is a lot milder, with less drastic side effects than the previous treatment had as well. Unfortunately, the side effects I do get are crappy ones, if you get my drift….
Also, I found out that I was positive for the KRAS (you say it KAY- Raz) gene. That means that I have yet another type of treatment further down the line. That means I have at least four total types of chemo I can receive, which if nothing else, gives me more time to survive until the radio wave treatment gets approved. I’m telling you that it’s only a matter of time until they find a cure for me.
Also, I went for another opinion with a medical oncologist at UCLA. He wants to see the most current CT scans before he rules out surgical options, but he wants me to continue on my current treatment for now.
So, now that my medical status has been thoroughly updated, it’s time to get on with what else has been happening in my life. I finally finished my classroom portion of my education, which leaves me with just my one month internship until I complete everything. I even had my graduation, which I had promised my mom when I finished high school. Hey, it may have taken me fourteen years to keep, but I can finally say that I’m a man of my word. So there! Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!
I was asked to speak at my graduation ceremony, which made me feel honored. They basically wanted me to talk about my experience there and how it was affected by cancer. You know me, I can’t pass up an opportunity to talk about my favorite subject. Namely, myself!!! It was surprisingly hard to come up with the right words to explain my predicament. No one really wants to know what it was like for me to go to school. The nose bleeds, the diarrhea, the lackadaisical attitude I had. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, because I did. My problem was that I’d start to feel sorry for myself and then I would think to myself that I was going to die anyway, why bother getting my degree? Stupid, I know. But that’s the way I felt sometimes.
I think the hardest thing for me to deal with so far in regards to cancer is the depression. The physical stuff is all things that I’ve been able to deal with. Pain-wise, I’ve always had a high pain threshold, but it’s been taken to new heights by cancer. Actually, the hardest part to deal with cancer is the mental aspect. I think that’s because most of us don’t want to deal with the fact that some times we feel irrationally sad. It’s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that you’re mortal. Most people my age still have that illusion. Most of my family expects to live into their eighties, and every time they see me, I remind them that not all of us will make it that far. That depresses me, and I know that it depresses those who stop to think about it. Fortunately for some (not necessarily family members, but some friends too), that thought doesn’t always cross their minds.
Anyways, enough sad crap for me today. Well, one more thing, and then I’m done. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Not one wink. I’m afraid that it’s been a recurring theme ever since I’ve gotten sick (officially sick, not from when I started having the cancer).
Now, on to my internship. I’m working at a computer shop in
Ontario, troubleshooting, fixing and selling computers.
It’s a lot of fun and my boss is a great guy.
I’m also learning a lot, which will help me further down the line and I find myself anticipating the next day of work, which I haven’t done in quite a long time, nearly a decade or so at least.
What’s great, is that I’ve decided to start my own company maintaining and adjusting computers and networks as needed.
My primary motivation for this is that I tend to not take orders very well. On the other hand, I trust myself, so I can’t miss with that. Another thing is that it’s relatively inexpensive to start up a company of this sort, and I’ve always wanted to be my own boss. Additionally, it gives me the flexibility to go to chemo every other week.